Using Passive Millimeter Wave Technology to Fight Evil
I have seen the Future.
According to this thread on Above Top Secret the government are installing X-Ray cameras in every other street lamppost in the UK. The story is also covered by The BBC and The Sun so it must be True. It's an extension to the CCTV in postboxes used to catch illegal aliens that they have been doing for years. The new X-ray cameras are part of their plans to uncover and stop Terrorist Cells before they even think about becoming terrorists. The X-Ray scanners can see through and effectively neutralise clothing which is a well known tool that terrorists use to blend-in and hide in the rest of society. The pictures of the naked terrorists are beamed back in real time to a Police Intelligence Centre who coordinate a Special Forces swoop to take the potential terrorists off the streets.
The implications of this technology are enormous! 
It could mean the start of a new Golden Age of Witch Hunting in the UK. Coupled with automatic image processing technology it could be used as an Automatic Third Nipple Detector. From the comfort of The National Witch Control Operations Room we could identify and round up all the witches in the country overnight. If they went within 10 metres of a lamppost we would have them! They could be brought in by Witch Control Agents and have their evilness assessed by Specially Trained Interrogators.
What the government don't realise yet is that I am uniquely qualified to head up the new Witch Hunting Centre. I have already developed special image processing software for Automatic Nipple Detection and Localisation for my work on the Secret Messages. It would be really easy to extend it to actually count the nipples. The images could even be post-processed to look for Secret Hidden Messages in lieu of a confession.
Until the Government gets things properly up and running, maybe they could provide Selected Agents (maybe M15 and the JDL) with some X-Ray glasses to be going on with. At least that way we could make a start by screening manually. Also you can use them for checking out girls. Not that I would obviously. Unless they looked a bit Witchy. In which case it would be justified. We will all have to sacrifice some rights if we are going to catch these witches.
If the Government do decide to put X-ray scanners in lampposts, whether for Witch Hunting or not, I'm definitely going to start lining my underpants with tin-foil again. Scanning Terrorists and Evil Witches is one thing, but I see no excuse for Tony Blair to be taking an interest in the 
contents of my Y-fronts. Tin-foil underpants are great. They give Pretty Good Privacy in my opinion. They protect you from radiation from mobile phones, CRT monitors and Electricity. The only problem is they can be really cold in winter and they knock two levels off your Move Silently ability. If you are being Green you can also reuse them at the end of the week for the chicken in the Sunday Roast.
I'm also thinking about buying one of those Princess Leia Metal Bikinis for Jen for Valentines Day. If I explain to her that it's just to protect her from prying lampposts I'm sure she wouldn't think it was strange or inappropriate. She wouldn't have to call me Han or anything, not unless she wanted to. Do you think it's possible that those Princess Leia wigs provide any protection from solar flare radiation? You have to take that sort of thing really seriously nowadays. I could tell her it's either that or wearing my underpants on her head. That would do it.
2 comments:
Hold the front page! Marvin old mucker, I think I’ve found the JDL’s very own Yoda! He’s about 300 years old, altthough he may be 2000 or 4.5 billion, I’m not sure. He hung around Europe for a bit in the 1700 and 1800’s where he gave out diamonds and looked enigmatic (like Bill Nighy does, I guess, like he’s got wind or is trying to divide by zero) and he may be either Jesus or the son of Dracula (I don’t think you can be both but I’ve been wrong before, like that time I didn’t think my mate Fred would eat his own body weight in blutack. Poor Fred.).
Anyway, the way I figure it, with Steve looking for admin help it’s up to you to find some kind of Sensi who can help train the JDL, hone your skills, maybe even polish your stakes, that kind of thing.
Now I don’t know where he is these days. Wikipedia says he allegedly died in 1784 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Count_of_St_Germain) but then they say Elvis died in 1977 and we all know from Bubba Hotep that he didn’t. He could either be working with (get this!) benevolent space aliens (wonder who they could be, eh!) or he could be in a Buddhist old folks home up a mountain in Tibet eating Yak soup and dribbling. Either way, I think he’s your man – I’ve sent word out via the hamster web (all those little tubes help us send messages all around the world in mere weeks) but maybe you can start your admin girl on finding a way of getting a memo back to the Clever Alien Vampires fro The Future. Maybe with a camera and her nipples? Let me know how that goes, will you?
If the hamster web fails us, here’s a site you might want to contact: http://www.saintgermaine.com/, but just watch yourself as I’m not sure which side they are affiliated with, meat-eating Vampire or veggie Vampires.
Bert – www.wildburro.co.uk/visit-bert
*******************************
I'm absolutely blown away by this!
There is so much to think about.
It's hard to tell what side he might be on though isn't it. Is he a Cosmic Ascended Master who wrote the Declaration of Independence, or is he Dracula's lodger who went around causing French Revolutions.
He's certainly been busy though hasn't he?
Where did he get all his diamonds from that's what I want to know and why is his name an anagram of "Mountain Frog Sect?"
Did you notice that he was in Rome in 1926 at the same time as Leonardo was? Was this why Leonardo started arming the clergy with stakes at this time?
Those Order of St Germain Vampire people look well dodgy. I think I'll delegate investigating them to Steve. He'll like that.
I'm definitely going to do more investigation on this. Watch this space...
Post a Comment