Madame Misty

An ex-renaissance artist is driving across Nevada at night when he sees the red neon lights of his destination up ahead on the hillside. They read "Convent of Negotiable Virtue: Sisters of The Order of Saint Misty the Mercenary."

As his car approaches, a CCTV camera swivels to track him and the heavily armoured security gates open automatically to admit him into the compound.

He leaves his car parked next to the nuns' Humvees and is greeted by a solicitous Sister Misty enquiring about his business.

"I was given your card in Vegas by a Russian Submariner." he explains. "He was lost and I was able to provide him with directions and navigational maps back to the Kola Peninsula. As thanks he gave me your establishment's card and said your girls were the best in the profession. I've not had a nun since since the Great Rodent Gambit in 1896, so here I am."

Sister Misty leads him inside the convent to a group of inappropriately dressed nuns, playing poker, smoking, drinking and throwing knives at a dartboard.

"We enjoy a wide range of earthly pleasures here." said Sister Mistry. "But if you want a novice you'll have to wait a bit because we sent them all out on Escape and Evasion Maneuvers because they were getting too rowdy. They always fall for that one. We're all out of Virgins too by the way. Apart from that anyone else will be happy to minister to you."

"How about her?" he suggests, pointing at Sister Foxy who is expertly stripping down and greasing a hand pistol. "She has a most enigmatic smile."

"A discerning choice." says Sister Misty. "Just leave $500 in the Good Causes Box over there and step through that door."

He obliges and steps through the door only to find himself back on the hillside outside of the walled compound and with the door locked behind him.

Another neon sign hangs on a lonely tree: "Congratulations Sinner. You just got screwed by the Sisters of Saint Misty."