Overdue Books

A few months ago when Diane was missing we all spent quite a bit of time at her house preparing for Halloween with Moonchild. Diane has a Really Big Library with all sorts of occult books and I thought it would be a wasted opportunity if I didn't avail myself of the facilities. So I borrowed a couple of books but didn't tell anyone because I knew they wouldn't approve.

The first book was called "Something Wiccan This Way Comes: Witches and Lesbianism." It sounded really promising but when I got it home it turned out to be Completely Rubbish and was not at all what I was expecting. Even the illustrations seemed to miss the whole point and to be very off topic. I think it must have been written by some sociologist who has not yet seen enough DVDs about lesbians to know what she is talking about.

After the wash out with the lesbians I turned to the other book: "Saducismus Triumphatus: Grimoire Of Demonic Apparition." It was bound in leather and looked Really Powerful. Thumbing through it I found that all the words were English but the sentences did not seem to be or at least I could not understand most of them. Also the pictures were Really Creepy and completely freaked me out. I didn't want to look at it much past page 8. I put it on my book shelf but it seemed to be looking at me at night when I was trying to go to sleep so I hid it under my bed. Even that didn't work because I kept pulling it out accidentally when I wanted to do some Research on Tricia Helfer. In the end I banished it to the garden shed.

I wish I hadn't borrowed them at all, but now that Diane is back I can return them. Diane was found in a hospital in Edinburgh. She had totally lost her memory and was absolutely loopy. Moonchild brought her home and she seems to be getting a lot better apart from a couple of incidents involving the kidnap and maiming a neighbour's cat and the breaking into a rabbit hutch at midnight With Intent (and a knife). The police and social services have backed off a bit now that Moonchild has moved in with Diane to look after her.

So I think that now is an opportunistic moment to return the books. Moonchild goes to Tai Chi on Monday nights so Diane will be alone. I'm going to go around and return the books. Now she is completely mental I'm just going to tell her that she lent them to me and she won't be any the wiser.

I'm really looking forward to getting some distance away from the Saducismus Triumphatus. Especially page 8.